It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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