I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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