Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
