i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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