Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
