he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
