Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
These tits shall not be calmed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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