What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
