I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize