We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You did what with his pubic hair?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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