He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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