im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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