Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
