You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
