I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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