The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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