Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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