I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
