Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
