i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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