and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
