FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
