smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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