well I can't set my house on fire every night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
