the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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