The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
