You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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