am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My vagina is very pro this idea
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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