thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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