i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
