yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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