Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
