Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
