I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
