so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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