Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
