Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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