think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
