we're chasing vodka with high fives
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
