More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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