So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
