you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
