just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
