Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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