So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
