my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
