i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
