out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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