My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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