we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
