Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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