you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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