false alarm. still invincible.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
