why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
