The maid of honor just puked.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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