your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
