before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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