Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize