I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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