So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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