My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
