I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize