I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
