Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
