if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
