Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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