You smell like a Billy Joel song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
bring money and cleavage
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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