just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Panties = found
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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