I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
