Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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