Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
