would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
