i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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