I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
