cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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