I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
