Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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