nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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