shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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