Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
