I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
