A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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