i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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